I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

At one point he decided enough was enough.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.