The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Children Quotes, Funny Quotes

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...