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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

No man can be a genius in slapshoes and a flat hat.

No man can be a genius in slapshoes and a flat hat.

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." Thank God I'm strapped in...

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith.

False happiness is like false money; it passes for a long time as well as...

False happiness is like false money; it passes for a long time as well as...

When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has...

When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has...

I have suffered much from waves and wars, and now let this trial join the...

I have suffered much from waves and wars, and now let this trial join the...

Literary critics, however, frequently suffer from a curious belief that every author longs to extend...

Literary critics, however, frequently suffer from a curious belief that every author longs to extend...