I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will...

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will...

If you treat your children at home in the same way you treat your animals...

If you treat your children at home in the same way you treat your animals...