And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Parents Quotes

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...

You change your life by changing your heart.

You change your life by changing your heart.

Much of the wisdom of one age, is the folly of the next

Much of the wisdom of one age, is the folly of the next