If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Evil Quotes, God Quotes

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

Teachers who educate children deserve more honor than parents who merely gave birth; for bare...

Teachers who educate children deserve more honor than parents who merely gave birth; for bare...

Middle age is Janus-faced. As we look back on our accomplishments and our failures to...

Middle age is Janus-faced. As we look back on our accomplishments and our failures to...