If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Quote by Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its...
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
I am two with nature.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.