If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Evil Quotes, God Quotes

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.