My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Cooking Quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My...

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My...

If the people in horror movies listened to me they would probably still be alive.

If the people in horror movies listened to me they would probably still be alive.