Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.