We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Children Quotes, Teachers And Teaching Quotes

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

When I cruise through the ghetto I drive slow I'm quick to buck a duck...

When I cruise through the ghetto I drive slow I'm quick to buck a duck...

This is a surprise to no one, but I get sad when celebrities get engaged....

This is a surprise to no one, but I get sad when celebrities get engaged....

It's bad ethics and terrible economics. Take my money and make America well.

It's bad ethics and terrible economics. Take my money and make America well.