Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Negative Friendship Quotes

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Women have hunger two-fold, shyness four-fold, daring six-fold, and lust eight-fold as compared to men.

Women have hunger two-fold, shyness four-fold, daring six-fold, and lust eight-fold as compared to men.