I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

We all want to be famous people, and the moment we want to be something...

We all want to be famous people, and the moment we want to be something...

PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his...

PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his...

Jazz is the folk music of the machine age.

Jazz is the folk music of the machine age.