Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

The facts of life are that a child who has seen war cannot be compared...

The facts of life are that a child who has seen war cannot be compared...

Lives with no more sense of spiritual meaning than that provided by shopping malls, ordinary...

Lives with no more sense of spiritual meaning than that provided by shopping malls, ordinary...