Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.