No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Best Friend Quotes

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

I want all hellions to quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air.

I want all hellions to quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air.

I'm not perfect, I do drink. I do smoke. Carson [Carson Daly] can't go out...

I'm not perfect, I do drink. I do smoke. Carson [Carson Daly] can't go out...