Quotes by Steven Wright

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

#Steven Wright

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

#Steven Wright

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

#Steven Wright

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

#Steven Wright

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

#Steven Wright

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

#Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

#Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

#Steven Wright

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

#Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

#Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

#Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

#Steven Wright