I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...