I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran...

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.