Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

And he died in a good old age, full of days, riches, and honour: and...

And he died in a good old age, full of days, riches, and honour: and...

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete.

How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete.

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then...

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then...