Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

#Phyllis Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

#Phyllis Diller

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

#Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

#Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

#Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

#Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

#Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

#Bachelors, #Mistakes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

#Baseball

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

#Cooking