I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings Quotes, Sex Quotes

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Friendship is a good mixture of yin and yang. On the yang - you have...

Friendship is a good mixture of yin and yang. On the yang - you have...

The craziest thing I did to get a guy to notice me was going out...

The craziest thing I did to get a guy to notice me was going out...

When I needed you most when I needed a friend, you let me down now...

When I needed you most when I needed a friend, you let me down now...