Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

#Advice

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

#Ghetto, #Money

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

#Bachelors, #Men, #Mistakes

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

#Housekeeping

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

#Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

#Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

#Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

#Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

#Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

#Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

#Phyllis Diller

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

#Phyllis Diller