Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept...

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done...

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old...

The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old...

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

God is usually on the side of big squadrons and against little ones

God is usually on the side of big squadrons and against little ones