How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.