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My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
#Henny Youngman
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...
#Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
#Henny Youngman
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...
#Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
#Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
#Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
#Henny Youngman
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...
#Henny Youngman
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
#Henny Youngman
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...
#Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...
#Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
#Henny Youngman
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
#Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...
#Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...
#Henny Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
#Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
#Henny Youngman
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
#Henny Youngman
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