There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

One hour of right-down love is worth an age of dully living on.

One hour of right-down love is worth an age of dully living on.

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog few people are interested, and the frog dies.

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog few people are interested, and the frog dies.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the...

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the...