There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!