There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.