If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...