A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry...

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry...