Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.