Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.