That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.