That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.