That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.