Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Gold Digger Quotes

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

The source of all life and knowledge is in man and woman, and the source...

The source of all life and knowledge is in man and woman, and the source...

Supposing that Truth is a woman ---well, now, is there not some foundation for suspecting...

Supposing that Truth is a woman ---well, now, is there not some foundation for suspecting...

She'd stopped reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about romance and knitting and...

She'd stopped reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about romance and knitting and...