This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...