This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

As Commander in Chief of the United States Military, I will never send our sons...

As Commander in Chief of the United States Military, I will never send our sons...

Lori was part of our family, ... She was there for all of my graduations....

Lori was part of our family, ... She was there for all of my graduations....

I looked at all the branches of the military. My brothers are all serving in...

I looked at all the branches of the military. My brothers are all serving in...