I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Quote by Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman Quotes
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.