My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont be reporting it. The thief spends...

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...