My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

Women's hands, heavy with diamonds, stirred coffee in tiny cups or alighted playfully on a...

Women's hands, heavy with diamonds, stirred coffee in tiny cups or alighted playfully on a...

There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those...

There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those...

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat,...

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat,...