I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Quote by Woody Allen
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to...
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not...
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
If they do it with you they'll do it to you and if they don't...
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill
The sure way to be cheated is to think one's self more cunning than others
It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself....