On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and...
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.