My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my...

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is...

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is...