I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Marriage Quotes, Relationships Quotes, Wives Quotes

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then...

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.

It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if...

It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if...

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.