I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive,...
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...
At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....
A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs...
I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...
That look you give your friend when they say something they weren't supposed to mention...