My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Love Quotes

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an...

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...