One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.

Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky,...

More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Has anyone ever stopped to think how cranky,...

Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed....

Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed....