You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one...

Take my wife... Please!

Take my wife... Please!