I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Science is some kind of cosmic apple juice from the Garden of Eden. Those who...

Science is some kind of cosmic apple juice from the Garden of Eden. Those who...

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.