I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses...

To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses...

If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the...

If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the...