My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Drink Quotes

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with...

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with...