My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Drink Quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not...

News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not...

If people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their...

If people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their...