My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Drink Quotes

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.