I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Drink Quotes

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Around every corner lurk greasy Fisherman's Platters that give children nightmares, Naugahyde minute steaks that...

Around every corner lurk greasy Fisherman's Platters that give children nightmares, Naugahyde minute steaks that...

How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over two...

How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over two...

Food, one assumes, provides nourishment: but Americans eat it fully aware that small amounts of...

Food, one assumes, provides nourishment: but Americans eat it fully aware that small amounts of...