Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...