Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

In my day, we didn't have the cocaine, so we went out and knocked somebody...

In my day, we didn't have the cocaine, so we went out and knocked somebody...

You can take of a man's money, but when it's all said and done, you've...

You can take of a man's money, but when it's all said and done, you've...