Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to...

Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to...

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.