I like children - fried.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...