I like children - fried.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Then came the word of the LORD unto Jeremiah, saying, / Behold, I am the...

Then came the word of the LORD unto Jeremiah, saying, / Behold, I am the...

And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and...

And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and...