I like children - fried.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Use your smile to change this world. Dont let this world change your smile.

Use your smile to change this world. Dont let this world change your smile.

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we...

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we...