A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
Quote by Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...