A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Bachelors Quotes, Men Quotes, Mistakes Quotes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...