I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy...