I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Funny Quotes

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of...

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of...

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing...

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing...

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about...

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about...

I observe that a very large portion of the human race does not believe in...

I observe that a very large portion of the human race does not believe in...

The first step to improvement, whether mental, moral, or religious, is to know ourselves -...

The first step to improvement, whether mental, moral, or religious, is to know ourselves -...