I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing...

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I really like to have sweet people around me. I can't stand bad asses. There's...

I really like to have sweet people around me. I can't stand bad asses. There's...

The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.