I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Funny Quotes

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to...

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to...

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't...

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't...