I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Funny Quotes

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for...

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I really like to have sweet people around me. I can't stand bad asses. There's...

I really like to have sweet people around me. I can't stand bad asses. There's...

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for...

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for...